Just a few pictures to share. Maybe these would convince even a couple of you to visit our country. I posted these on Facebook and SH already but what the heck. ;)
Manila skyline at night.
Manila Government District.
The Walled City of Manila, also known as Intramuros. :)
Manila North Harbor.
The United States' Embassy in Manila.
The lobby of Manila Hotel.
A portion of the city I live in! I didn't know it looked this awesome, to be honest. :O
I travel back and forth from here (wherever I am) to Manila four times a week. Some of these are unbelievably beautiful to what I've seen in the capital so far, lol. But they are real, nonetheless. :D
It's not because I surround myself with people who are full of blasphemy, no. But rather, it is because I, in my opinion, would normally be silly, playful and a bit oppressing, even. You would have to spawn a debatably interesting topic if so; and because only a handful of people would take me seriously for a certain reason, not many would think of doing this deed - maybe so but believe me, it's once in a blue moon.
But today, maybe, for once, I will express a different side of myself that I often do not mirror.
Talking about oneself is easy; but to be able to articulate is far different - why would those words be on different pages of the dictionary, eh? To be honest, there is a tad of difficulty for me to be able to put my thoughts into words. Most of the bloody time, I am stirred and I think too much during those moments wherein I know I am not in the right privilege to be able to write or type those thoughts down. I am insecure, fastidious and often a perfectionist. I over think and a philosophy would not free itself from the walls of my brain: if, and only if, ever I am going to talk about myself, at least make it interesting and tolerable. But because I often ramble (like somewhat now), I cannot deny that yes, even my thoughts are supposed to be abstract, different, difficult - even for me. I am twisted, I know. There is no definite need for anybody else to remind me of that element; but if ever somebody does feel like doing that, I would take it as a compliment, by far.
Now, what brought me to such a sudden stutter? There are a few things I would love to spazz about, that's why. As I've said time and time again, this does not happen often. This post may probably be one of the most important and the most serious (not to mention heartfelt) of all that I have blogged about. I really do not show my serious side to many people; only when the bell calls for the ring, of course. It's quite a dangerous sight, I reckon.
First of all, I feel something wrong is happening to me. Aside from the fact that school isn't deliberately killing or torturing me, I don't feel too much pressure at all. I'm not saying this to brag or to tell the world that college is a snap. Nobody can ever say that, for it is and it never will be factual. This, whatever it may be, is supposed to be a good thing, I know. But this, for a student who happens to be lucky enough to pass in the national university, is not conventional. It is not normal. It's ominous, for God's sake! I am lucky to be in a situation as of now, I must admit. I mean, I only go to school four a times a week and Friday's are the only painful days of my semester. As far as I'm concerned, I'm going to keep an eye out. What goes around, comes around, I do believe, don't you? I think sooner or later, something abysmal is going to happen. Best be ready than careful - and that goes to everybody too.
Second of all - and must I say, there is a certain discomfort for me to discuss this - my skills are drifting away. Again, not everybody is aware of this, but I sort of live two lives. Well, that's what I think - and so do a couple of others. In real life, I am just your typical collegiate but in the reality that is virtual, you can't really say I am typical. Yes, a bit too confident, but that's what it is, that's how it goes. My alter-ego (the one on the Internet, that is) needs some mending. I feel the aura no more, no pride glistening nor any sparkle of talent blowing past the air. Everything feels dormant and less important. My unacceptable excuse is that I am on hiatus, which, I am not quite certain of whether or not being believable. Who would be able to blog this frequently and be on hiatus at the same time, tell me. My graphics are showcased no longer; my stories are never updated and; my videos are on the bin. I start everything out but I never seem to be able to finish. I feel like I can, don't get me wrong, but I don't know what's wrong. Is it because I have not enough inspiration? Is it because I am tired of doing those things? Is it because there's just too many others whom I know could be capable of taking the place that once has been mine? Or is it because, just because? It seems like my hands have denied themselves for my productive use. I resent that feeling and to be able to eloquently excuse my ego from this is not worthy of anybody's time. So let us leave that be and I will ramble about it further on, if there is something commendable to be overwritten about.
Third, I miss my friends. Terribly. There is such a void in me right now and I long for the laughters that we have shared the previous year. My four best friends, Erika, Nikki, Jona & Grace, we hardly meet nowadays. I miss kidding around with them and just fooling around even for the slimmest of seconds. They mean a lot to me - even more than they even know. (Shh, don't tell them!) They were the ones who I have stuck with and have stuck with me when we first came in the university. To be honest, we have diverse personalities. To describe monosyllabically: I am a [insert blah-blah comment here]; Erika is humorous; Nikki is a multi-tasker; Jona is a wit and; Grace is an Einstein. From then on, you can really puzzle yourself of how we've managed to set aside all the disputes and become such a close circle. But this list is not mainly for them alone but also for the rest of my friends in the bloc - which can be everybody but not exactly. We laugh so hard when we're together and we suffer at times, but still, with each other. I love them a lot and I am grateful of being able to meet each and every one of the bizarre bunch. They're all regular yet so anomalous. But that has to be the best thing because we can learn from each other and the moments we share just become so well-seasoned for we all are different spices that blend quite fortunately. (Excuse my analogies, if you please.)
Fourth, I am not an emotional person. We all get mood swings and the unlucky female breed gain PMS but often when I am in a mood, it only shows one or two shades of that to people. To stop beating around the bush, this post is entitled 'Sleeping in Class' because of a certain feeling that has to be very regrettably the dominant one in me at the moment: infatuation. I absolutely hate, hate, hate blogging about this because all six billion of our planet's population is accessed to read what I am saying right now. But since I've blogged this far, I might as well stop holding back, sigh. I remember one quote that says, 'Falling in love is like sleeping in class: You don't mean to do it, you just do.' Of all the wonderful people out there, it just had to be him. We don't know each other well, must I say. We rarely talk and when we do talk, at most it consists of seven precious seconds. He inspires me, true. He has one of the most well-endowed drawing capabilities I have seen in years and that has to be one of the things I am proud to describe him with - especially because my first childhood ambition was to become a renowned sketch artist slash cartoon animator. Aside from being smart, he can be funny as well. There is such a blasted and abnormal sense of humor that I've witnessed in him so far. Funny though, because I feel like he is one of the vainest guys on Earth, enough said. Although, I get enough teasing from my friends in school as it is - which is something I hate more than I enjoy, to be perfectly truthful here. I'm not expecting anything from him. Reasons are: he does not exactly like me back, as far as my knowledge could extend; I just don't see him as that type of person who can really afford to enclose himself in a romantic relationship and; all of the above, etc. The only thing I am afraid of is the looming sentiment that this sensation is not going to terminate itself any sooner. No light is visible at the end of the tunnel as of now, sadly.
Lastly, I would like to take this opportunity to justify my gratefulness for my friends who only have become my friends through American Idol. I will describe the first twenty-five that would come in mind. This is not in listed in a particular order and no biased is involved - no Filipinos (who are residents in the country) are included for they are all particularly special to me. Twenty is an insufficient number for there are many of them great people out there. Maybe I will write a follow-up, who knows? But for now, these are the first twenty that occupied my mind, for some unknown reason. I take no credit whatsoever for putting up their pictures and they probably will kill me for that but I stand for myself for doing this because even though they all are not my best friends or anything synonymous, they all mean a certain something.
1. Jessica R. - Cool, funny and friendly. I love the fact that she's a lover of the colour pink yet at the same time, she's not all too girly. Her sense of humor is for the win and she kicks ass most of the time.
2. Elodie - She'll be crazy mad at me if I put up her picture! Anyway, the best thing I remember about her is that she was the first one to console me on a certain mistake I did on Twitter. She's like my older sister. We talk mainly about anything - but not everything. I took self-help French lessons because of her and just because communicating in her language is fascinating. We're still getting to know each other as of now but I already love her.
3. Tina Stokes - Awesome person! She's got a really bright and spunky personality. She acts like five at times but she certainly is a keeper.
4. Jessica D. - Sweet and English. She's warm and easy to be reckoned with. She loves dancing way more than anything in the world - except for English tea, I think.
5. Letitia - Probably the best online friend I have right now. I love her to death and she means so much to me. I believe I've posted a couple of her pictures in my blog now so I'll put that photo of hers for a change, lol. We get along great, we e-mail each other every once in a while and talk about our lives, friends, family and anything else. I love her, the way she dances, she writes and just the whole of her. I want to meet her personally someday - we swore each other that we will, no matter when or where that may be.
6. Ugne - Ahh, Ugne. Up until now, I do not know how to pronounce her name correctly. This girl claims Simon Cowell as a property. She is a spoiled brat and having said that, she pressured me for doing a better job on writing my stories. I once bugged her with a phone call at five in the morning and I loved it.
7. Sophia - The Filipino Saula Fans' mother. She hates being called as such but we don't care because for me, that's how she makes us feel. I love her. She's coming over by the end of the month and all of us are beyond ecstatic to meet her!
8. Jodie - Creative video maker! Very friendly and nice. She's a doll!
9. Joanna - My sister has a crush on her for she's damn beautiful. Also another one who's got some skills on movie making. Just really admirable.
10. Lauren - First YouTube friend I've ever become so close with. She's very nice and absolutely beautiful - inside and out.
11. Annika - We don't know each other that much but I appreciate the fact that she listened and cleared my mind at one point of turbulence. The coolest thing about her is being in a band, I love that.
12. Francesa - Different. Beautiful. Creative. Talented. She's fun to talk to but we still don't know each other that much - hoping to be otherwise though.
13. Jessica S. - Talented! Has great insight for making graphics and is totally obsessed with everything French. Plain cool.
14. Alicia - I love this girl. I seriously do. We talk often and she's always there when you need her. Sweet and really in love with Stacy.
15. Rosinta - Also more known as rnsiregar. I don't have permission to post her picture but as I've found out, she's surprisingly approachable! She has some Photoshopping talent too. So creative and smart. She and her works alike make me smile.
16. Britney - Another sweet little thing. Very matured for her age and quite a talented person. She's coming here on November, I presume. Looking forward to meet her.
17. Kayleigh - She's nice and sweet and quite reliable. She's just been so supportive of my graphics and I love her for being that warm to me.
18. Marjo - Her Photoshopping skills? Amazing. She's also a friendly and fun person in my book. Hoping to know her much better.
19. Amanda - I enjoy talking to her. She's really nice and friendly. You can talk about anything under the sun and she'll just respond the best she can.
20. Tina Seidel - I look at her like another older sister, for some particular reason. She also supports what I do and we kid around at times.
21. Akaha - No picture! Gah. She's shy and monosyllabic. Her excuse for being boring is that all Finns talk very little. Topics are usually closed by her statements and while she's a bit hard to reach at times, I still say she is a good friend and a smart brain.
22. Sammy - Beyond eloquent. I love her for being strong and soft at the same time. We first became acquainted for the fact that we dislike Twilight; the rest is history.
23. Jessica M. - Another one that's hard to reach - especially because she's an SH administrator. She's witty and well-seasoned. The best thing I'll remember about her is that she was the first to show concern when my Photobucket account went ballistic.
24. Itak - No, Itak is not her real name and I don't have a picture. Still getting to know her! One from Slovenia and a bit mysterious, to be honest. But I think we're going to be okay, she doesn't seem distant, as far as I'm concerned.
25. Lindsay - Team Abdul's committed leader. She loves Hollywood and I do appreciate her as a friend. She's cool.
On a side note, my day has been unbelievably pleasant. Art class was interesting, as always. It pleasures me to be sitting in that class, waiting for something in me to begin sending revelations. It never fails. And when we finished Van Gogh's innocuously panic-stricken journey, a twig snapped in my tree - must I tell you, I loved that crisp sound that has audibly traveled wave after wave as an echo for my ears.
This part is reserved for my family. But my heart and mind are debating. I don't know which one of them actually won, but for now, I see no point in expressing my feelings for this topic. All I can say is that it always has been a roller coaster with them and that they mean a lot to me, they've helped me get to where I am - which is not a bad place to be, actually. I just think that there are a lot of issues not patched up and dealt with right now so I'll leave this portion behind, if you don't mind.
Ate Chaz and Kuya Yfur have been kind enough to endure my presence, once again. I love Ate Chaz for many reasons that I decline to mention (for she will be reading this, I am sure) but to put it simply, she is one dear person to me. We've built quite a crooked road and still is patching up the remnants of that path, one that you wouldn't expect that would lead to something seriously valuable at the end, must I add. Teasing her makes my day complete but at the same time, it's a mere way of showing her how much I appreciate her being there for me like a very old sister - no, I'm kidding, she's only 20. I hope we do get to watch a movie together soon; although I would only wish that Kuya Poy would stop asking us to watch Villa Estrella. Horror flicks are not my cup of tea.
Oho! There's a new interview of Paula up and wow, she is one funny woman. Hooray that she said she most probably will be back for the next season of Idol! And oh yes, do watch Drop Dead Diva on September where she will be a guest as a, guess what, a judge. But a different kind, this time. Got to love her wit in here - and she can't go past an interview without Simon, can she?
Okay. So far, this is over with. It isn't that long, is it? And no, I am not going to read everything again before I hit 'post'. It's a feeling of freedom and pain at the same time. I do not particularly enjoy screaming from the rooftops. Many people have misconstrued my perceptions and personality as more of the happy type. I am in no plan of changing such a brink. I enjoy being happy, I love life. There are just those inevitable times wherein you have to find an outlet to release yourself; otherwise, nobody would be afraid to implode. We all get mental at many a certain points in our finite lifelines; but hey, beauty and madness are implausibly synonymous, regardless of what they all might say.
